Fergilicious Definition: Queen Of The Buttafaces

I was having one of those rare days when I actually listened to the radio and an Akon song was on. It was great for awhile until they come on with some of that Fergie garbage. She is one of the very few artists that forces me to bark at the radio, literally. Her song "Fergilicious" gets way too much air play for a shitty song.

I find it HILARIOUS how hot she thinks she is in the song. She talks about working on her fitness and she definitely should. Fergie is a buttaface! For those that don't know ... a buttaface is someone who has everything, BUT a face. The best evidence is from Buttafaces.com. Fergie needs to work out even more to get that body to the point where it can distract from her face.

Fergie suffers from the Cinderella effect. I can't remember who coined the term, but the Cinderella effect is when so many people tell an ugly girl that she's hot, she starts to believe it. You will see this taking place at the bar all the time. After all the real attractive girls turn a bunch of guys down, those guys will start to go after the fugly girls. The fugly girls will get so much attention that they mistake it for them actually being cute.

This is the perfect time for me to throw another definition at you ... the Make Up Artist. I'm not talking about the actual job, but the girls who have taken their make up to a high art. Most women are experts at their make up, but some women can use their little "kits" to go from ugly to fabulous. Why some women are obsessed with the word fabulous is a whole other annoying subject. Anyways, the Make Up Artists will put their game face on for the club, but if some unlucky guy wakes up to her the next morning, he's gonna be in for a shock. I think Dane Cook has the best description of what the girl looks like in the morning: Lagoon creature.

Fergie doesn't exactly fit into this last category, but she looks 100 times worse in her old videos with the Black Eyed Peas. You can tell that they actually kept the light away from her face to hide the craters. Success can buy a whole team of make up pros and stylists.

In closing, it is perfectly fine if you weren't born with good genes, but don't fall victim to the Cinderalla effect. Sure looks aren't everything, but they are still important. Don't try to cheat your genetics too much, because the gene pool is already filled with too many stupid people and no big animals to eat them.